well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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