he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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