Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
