Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
