Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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