i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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