Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
