I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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