Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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