when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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