Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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