i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
