It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
