just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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