i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
