If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
