I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
