Cold hands, warm shart.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
