Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
