why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
smell my finger.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
