just tell him i said nine months
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
