the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
