life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
