the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
