So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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