i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
