Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
