just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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