Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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