Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
