Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just tell him i said nine months
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
