Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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