Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
