And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
