Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
