You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
