I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
