Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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