eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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