I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
