All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
