and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
