I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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