Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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