Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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