I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
