You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
