You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
