Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
