hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We had to coat check the pizza.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
