when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
